No Turning Back
by ephemereal
Summary: It had been a week since he’d let Angela walk away, fully expecting her to vanish from his life just like all the others he’d let go. He knew what she’d been expecting that night, knew he hadn’t given it to her. But it hadn’t been time then. Not quite.


Author's Note: Little shorty that I came up with. It's kind of a combination of the alternate ending on the DVD and the ending in the graphic novel of the movie. Yes, I said I'd never do one of these. Here it is. Enjoy.

_No Turning Back_

"Ready to go?" asked Angela quietly after a moment. The blaze of light had faded, and the sky was now a deep navy blue, dark enough to see the stars for once. They were a rare sight in the city.

"As I'll ever be." Chas' appearance had gone a long way toward easing the knot of guilt that had been growing in Constantine's stomach; the adrenaline rush left him feeling a dangerous mix of euphoria and recklessness. There was a distinct smell of freshly cut grass in the air, and the sound of the crickets singing seemed to thunder in his ears. He broke Angela's gaze at last and took one last look back at the newest headstone, his gold-plated lighter glinting in the moonlight as if it were mocking the stars.

"So?" she tugged lightly at his arm, her voice light but questioning. It took Constantine a moment to register that she'd spoken. It had been a week since they'd met on the roof of his building, a week since he'd given her the Spear to hide. A week since he'd let her walk away, fully expecting her to vanish from his life just like all the others he'd let go. He knew what she'd been expecting that night, knew he hadn't given it to her. But it hadn't been time then. Not quite.

"So." It wasn't a question, wasn't an answer. It was more of a test, really, than anything else. Angela smiled again, and let out a sharp little breath, almost the beginning of a giggle.

Constantine felt his heart speed up almost as if he was battling demons again; he felt ridiculous and yet knew there was no ignoring the sensation. This was one of those amazing adrenaline highs you didn't ever want to waste. They were what he lived for.

"Waiting for something?" asked Angela, still smiling, though looking at him curiously as well now.

Yes, thought Constantine as he suddenly realized. It hadn't been the right time then, but was it now? He hadn't intended it to be so soon, certainly, but he had the feeling that if he didn't act now he was going to be losing something more. Something he didn't want to miss out on. He took one look up at the spot where Chas had vanished, one look back at Angela, and decided he didn't care if it was the right time or not.

"Yeah," he said, closing the distance between himself and Angela. He took her by the shoulders and drew her in, kissing her lightly, barely brushing her lips with his own. She tensed against him for the slightest moment, then relaxed into it, deepening the kiss just a little, teasing before pulling away.

"Nice spot," she teased, reaching up and straightening his tie. Angela ran her hands down his arms, grasping his wrists. Constantine swallowed and stiffened at her touch. He was used to being lonely, it wasn't something he even thought about anymore, and yet suddenly a simple touch of contact had made him ache with emptiness. It was disconcerting. He wanted to leave instantly, but knew that would only make it worse.

"John?" Angela just smiled a little sadly at him, seeming to understand without a word. After a long moment she leaned up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging without force. Constantine let out a long breath and shut his eyes very hard, feeling as though someone was heating his insides as her hands moved lightly over his back.

"Let's get out of here," he said at last, his own voice sounding foreign in his ears. Angela pulled away and nodded, shivering and wrapping her arms across her chest.

They went to a diner in the middle of town and sat in a window table, watching as the chilly evening got even darker outside. Constantine ordered a burger and fries; Angela made do with a single cup of coffee and stared at his plate in disgust. Maybe not the best way to start out with her, he thought in retrospect, but overall no harm done.

"It's Halloween, you know," she said as they sat down, and he realized that she was right. A group of teenagers went by outside, arguing very loudly about something and passing a chipped bottle between them. Constantine swallowed a pang of loneliness and bit into his burger, trying to remember what it had felt like to be that young and stupid. Across from him, Angela winced.

"I'd bet money half of them will end up down at the station tomorrow morning," she said sadly, stirring her coffee so hard some of it sloshed over the rim of the mug and beaded on the white plastic tabletop. She didn't seem to notice.

"Don't envy them," said Constantine simply. But he did, really, he thought. Somehow, after everything he'd been through in his life, ending up with a couple of fines for underage drinking seemed like a walk in the park. And at least they'd have fun while they fucked themselves over. He took another bite, noticed Angela staring at his plate again and waved a hand at her, offering it up. He figured he was being gallant, but she just shook her head, looking slightly nauseated.

"So," she said finally, sipping her coffee and making a face, "what now?"

Constantine laughed just a little, just slightly bitterly. He hadn't expected to have to face that question, and for the past week he'd been putting it off. He'd spent most of the time after the ordeal sleeping, the rest of it at the gym, trying to beat the nicotine cravings out of his body. His chest ached, though for different reasons now, he was sure. He didn't seem to be able to get enough rest; everything felt raw and bruised. The prospect of eternal sleep seemed almost pleasant now, though he sure as hell wasn't going to tempt fate again.

"You try and forget," he said simply, not bothering to specify whether he was referring to himself or to Angela. She just looked at him, and he felt suddenly as though her eyes were going to burn holes in his face. Of course he didn't want her to, not really, not underneath it all. But he still had to say it, had to give her the easy way out because in the end it had to be her choice. It was her life that was going to be ruined; she damn well deserved to know that she could still get out, no matter how much he wanted her trapped there with him. Misery loved company, after all, but he had no wish to feel responsible for hers. "Honestly, Angela. You'd do best to just pretend it never happened and go back to the way your life was before. Deny the Sight long enough, it'll go away. You did it once."

Her eyes flicked downward suddenly, and then came back up again, shining with renewed determination. Constantine found himself wanting to smile suddenly at the familiarity of the gesture. He'd hardly known this woman more than a few days, and yet somehow felt that he knew every bit of her, inside and out. She fit like an old friend, a feeling John Constantine had never had before.

"You know I can't do that," she said firmly.

"But you should. Stick with me, you won't have anyone else. It's not something you want to do, Angela." He didn't sound convincing even to himself, and somehow he still hoped he wasn't. It was more of an obligation now: something he told everyone who wanted to cast their lot in with his. Trouble was, this was the first time he found himself actually hoping the other person wouldn't listen.

"I want to be with you," said Angela simply.

They sat in silence for a long while after that, watching the occasional group of late Trick-or-Treaters going by outside. As the night wore on, the groups grew more ragged, more reckless, the Devil's next brood having a bit of a laugh the night before their execution. Constantine sat and let her words work their way into him, not even trying to think of a response. Angela stirred something in him that he'd worked very hard to stamp out, had from the very beginning. There was a warmth somewhere in his gut, filled with ecstasy and wrenching pain. It was almost a relief to feel it again, though he knew he would pay dearly in the end.

When he'd finished his burger, Constantine got to his feet and paid without waiting for Angela to follow, figuring he could afford at least that little a kindness. She fell into step beside him just outside the restaurant, seeming to understand his need for silence. They made their way back toward his apartment where she'd left her car, enjoying the quiet of the city very late at night. Angela grasped his hand as they paused at a street corner and squeezed it very gently, then let go.

They reached his doorstep and paused, and Constantine wondered whether he could afford to let her in. He knew she was probably expecting it, didn't want her to go yet. There was more that needed to be said between them, but he wasn't sure how. Wordlessly, Angela turned toward him and Constantine put a finger to her lips as she leaned in for another kiss.

"You do this," he said softly, memories flooding through his mind, "there's no turning back."

She just smiled, stood straight and kissed him very gently, pulling away before he had a chance to respond. Angela placed both hands on his shoulders and stepped closer, near enough that her body lightly pressed down the length of his. She leaned up, lips brushing his ear.

"I see you, John."

And he knew that she did.

* * *

Review please! 


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